I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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