can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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