So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
