went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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