chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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