So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
