Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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