i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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