even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
