its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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