Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
