When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
