He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
