I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
