What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
