If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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