Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
