Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
