All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i think i have herpe
just one?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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