she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
