Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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