4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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