just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
420 ftw
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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