We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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