It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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