I hope mine doesn't look like that
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
