I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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