I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
