The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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