Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's rum buckets o'clock
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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