he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
