I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
