I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
