Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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