Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
