Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
