I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
