Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
