ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
