That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
