i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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