i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Omg I joined a choir last night...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
