AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
