reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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