I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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