Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
