i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
