Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
