so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
