i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
