Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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