Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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