well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
