dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
