Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she told me i tasted like america
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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