Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
