sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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