He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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