i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
