i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
