Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
