Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
