DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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