I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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