Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
