im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
