I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The ass gains better be worth it
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