If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
