Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
