Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
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It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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