You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
