I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
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I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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