My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
