I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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