she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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