i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
