Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you traded sex for a burrito?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He better not be in your backpack
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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