I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
