Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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