i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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