Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
