he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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