finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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