At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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