We're facebook friends in real life
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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