My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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