the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
