hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
