There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
