Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
