i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
