Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
